Five-Star Conversation 05.26.09: Tag…You’re It!

THOUGHT OF THE WEEK: The top of Batista’s shaved head looks like a relief map of ancient Rome’s irrigation system.

THE GREAT RAW DEBACLE
I’m not going to dwell on this much at all, as I don’t really want to give this mess too much attention because I think the whole thing is ridiculous. I think the whole scenario was summed up quite well by a commenter in one of the many news items published here on 411, something to the effect of “Only Vince McMahon could be in the right in a situation and still come off like a white trash douchebag.” Of course, I’m paraphrasing.

Yes, WWE is legally in the right where “custody” of The Pepsi Center is concerned, but the fact of the matter is that the Nuggets/Lakers series is where the money’s at. There’s basically a ton more people interested in the outcome of the series than how Batista is going to bore us to tears this week and that’s what really eats at Vince.

Of course, in true hypocritical fashion, as raw will be emanating from The Staples Center here in Los Angeles, I’m looking into the possibility of attending, because, aside from the main event scene, I’ve found Raw to be innocuously entertaining since the brand split and, what the hell, it’s an historic episode. BUT I’m only going if I can score free tickets. My Office Manager is married to an active serviceman and we’re going to see if he can swing by the box office on Monday and pick up a ticket for me with his military ID and see if her military ID will work for her ticket. Seems like a long-shot to me, but if it works, fine. If not, I think I’ll live. I’m saving my connection at MyNetwork TV for Summerslam tickets.

TAG…YOU’RE IT!
We’ve inadvertently been discussing tag teams these past couple weeks as we’ve taken a look at the split and “new beginning” of The Miz & John Morrison, so, although I’d been planning on bringing up this topic to coincide with the release of WWE’s Tag Team DVD in July, it strikes me that now’s as good a time as any to segue into talking about my own favorite tag teams of all time.

Before I actually get into the Top Ten, though, there’s a hefty list of “Honorable Mentions” deserving of a nod first:

BEER MONEY, INC.: James Storm & Robert Roode – Who could have predicted what a fantastic team these two incongruent characters would become when paired up, seemingly at random? Storm & Roode not only managed to find common ground between their completely divergent gimmicks, Storm being the Tennessee Cowboy and Roode, the neo-Million Dollar Man, and gel together in the ring to become one of the most cohesive teams of the modern age. Not that that’s necessarily a complement, considering the anemic condition of tag teams in today’s wrestling landscape, but it’s obvious the duo have worked overtime after the proverbial curtain goes down on ways to improve their gimmick, coming up with all the little things that collectively mean so much: Their catch phrases, “Sorry ‘bout yo damn luck” and “With our mind on our money and our money on our beer”, the beer goggles, the riding cooler and so much more. Having had the privilege of seeing them live, to observe how well these two work together as a unit, it gives me hope in the future of tag team wrestling.

THE BRITISH BULLDOGS: The Dynamite Kid & Daveyboy Smith – This is a team deserving of its own 2-DVD set in my opinion, but considering the tragic tale behind the demises of both men involved, I have to wonder if we’ll ever see it.

I personally disliked the fact that McMahonagement had to dumb down this exceptional team by saddling them with an actual bulldog, Mathilda, because bringing in the loveable little mutt took focus away from the team and its abilities and became more about the dog, especially when she was dognapped, but that’s a sign of the times (and, now that we’re seeing kids being made the demographic of choice in the company’s eyes, get used to that quality of booking).

I’ve read Tom Billington (The Dynamite Kid’s) book and it’s difficult not to come away from having done so without a bad taste in one’s mouth in Daveyboy Smith’s respect, but it is one man’s account of a relationship without having heard the other’s, so I’m not going to go into the personal portion of the team. Notwithstanding, though, I think it stands to reason that THE BULLDOGS were anchored by Dynamite, with Smith serving an on-the-job apprenticeship under his partner during their time together. It’s a shame Dynamite’s poor health forced the team into a premature demise, because Smith seemed to really come around in his own right as Dynamite was falling into permanent physical disrepair. It would have been amazing to have seen where they might have gone and what they might have accomplished had they managed to endure.

THE ELIMINATORS: John Kronos & Perry Saturn – I didn’t see nearly enough of this team before they split, I believe owing to the fact that Saturn left ECW for WCW, after a personal falling out with Kronos, but for the brief moment in the wrestling timeline that they slapped hands, they were amazing. Displaying a quality of acrobatic athleticism, sometimes even in tandem, uncommon to men of their size, THE ELIMINATORS deserve a much greater place in the annals of history, if for no other reason than for boasting one of the most amazingly lethal finishers in Total Elimination ever!

THE FULL-BLOODED ITALIANS: Guido Maritato & Tony Mamaluke – Now, yes, I’m aware THE FBI were around in ECW just about as long as the company had been extreme and in a number of different configurations, but it wasn’t until the team solidified into the unit of Maritato (better known to WWE fans as Jamie Noble’s cousin, Nunzio) and Mamaluke, with the ringside wingman of Sal E. Graziano that THE FBI took the step from being a longstanding comedy act to being a serious threat in the tag ranks of ECW, even rising to the top of the heap to hold the belts.

This was a period of time where Paul Heyman, ECW owner/booker, capitalized on the long-standing threeway feud comprised of Maritato, Super Crazy and Yoshihiro Tajiri, but simply evolving it to the tag title scene by hooking up those three individuals with partners, Crazy with Kid Kash and Tajiri with repackaged ECW mainstay Mikey Whipwreck. The result was a complete success, guaranteeing fans a PPV midcard highlight each month, notwithstanding which combination faced off, if not offering a triple-threat contest. It’s a shame that Vince’s dwindling interest in tag teams and dislike of performers of smaller stature negated Maritato & Mamaluke’s chances of succeeding once McMahonagement resurrected the ECW brand.

Doug Furnas & Philip LaFon/Dan Kroffat – Granted, these guys had a quality of verbal charisma that makes Shelton Benjamin seem Rock-like, but they had such symbiosis together, providing balance for one another’s strengths and talents. Furnas was a power lifter, though still athletic enough to be an American innovator of one of the most lethal standing hurrancaranas I’ve ever witnessed, where LaFon (to call him by the name he used in The WWF) had was an impressively skilled technician. One has to feel they’d have been much more successful under the book of someone other than Vince McMahon’s WWF, where we know athleticism simply isn’t enough to get one over. They were also brought into The WWF at a time when they mirrored the team of Owen Hart & Daveyboy Smith in terms of technicality and strength, and so were seen to be redundant, I think, which is a shame.

Owen Hart & Daveyboy Smith – Having already stated the reasons I admired Furnas & LaFon, the same is true of Owen & Smith, but they were so much more than the former team, largely owing to their histories and personalities.

I have to feel this team could have been much more popular then they were had McMahonagement not short-circuited the duo’s internal strife in favor of using them to further Bret Hart’s own program. There was a period where Owen & Smith were attempting to publicly downplay the growing competitive strife they felt against one another as they battled for the European Title, Smith eventually going over in a stellar match held in Germany. Smith’s face turn had been teased often and the fans were begging for it, but, rather than pull the trigger, McMahonagement instead brought them tighter than ever when Bret Hart appealed to his family to set aside differences and help him fight against all the injustice to which he was certain he was being subjected, by Vince McMahon, degeneration-X, Steve Austin, to say nothing of the American fans Bret was convinced had turned their backs on him.

Although the new HART FOUNDATION (completed by Jim Neidhart and Brian Pillman) was an important story back in the day, it all went down to the individual detriment of Owen & Smith as far as I’m concerned. The WWF roster was very thin at the time, and with quite a large groundswell of support under Smith, had he been turned at the time, he could very well have risen to become a solid main-eventer and feuding with Owen could have done wonders for the late superstar’s solo career, as well. Who knows, though…

THE IMPACT PLAYERS: Justin Credible & Lance Storm – I don’t think these guys receive as much credit as they deserve, mainly owing to the fact that I don’t think fans really buy or respect Justin Credible as a performer, which is a shame. The fact that Paul Heyman and Credible himself were able to shake off the malicious ghost of Aldo Montoya within a short year in ECW was nothing short of amazing in and of itself, however, Credible still tends not to be just that in the memories and hearts of many fans, and I just don’t understand why. THE IMPACT PLAYERS came together and seemed to always have one another’s backs, and, like Owen & Smith, complemented each other’s respective styles, both in and out of the ring. Storm is a notoriously dry personality, but is one of his generation’s most impressive technicians, whereas Credible was oozing bad attitude, while benefiting from being paired with Storm in terms of ability.

I’d also be remiss if I didn’t mention the incomparable Dawn Marie ever-present at their side and I think the modern-day WWE would do very well to mimic her role then with some of their Divas today, the kind of thing I’ve been saying here in 5SC for a couple of weeks now. It seems to me that Vince’s ladies who can really cut loose in the ring should be allowed to do so, while those less able should be utilized in a valet/manager role, aspiring to Dawn Marie’s level of accomplishment while the cameras roll, and then, if so desired, train in the ring with some of the agents in the off-time, but that’s just me.

Brian Kendrick & Paul London – There’s really not a lot to say about this team. Here were two amazing indie guys tagged up in what should have been a runaway success story, leading to two great starts in singles careers, but, due to McMahonagement’s disinterest in tag teams, these, sure, held The WWETTTs for close to a year, but that has more to do with the fact that Vince could give a creamy fart about tag teams than a company mandate of support. Besides, impressive moves notwithstanding, the vast majority of the programs and even matches were all pretty much the same, which, again, is just a shame. They both deserve so much more (perhaps we’ll see something more once Kendrick teams up with Curt Hennig’s son on Raw to challenge LOS COLONS…?).

MNM: Joey Mercury & Johnny Nitro – First of all, it should be mentioned that Melina is most definitely a member of this team, even if she simply stayed on the floor. She was the mouthpiece, the brains and the core attitude of the group. Her indignant fury drove the team and without her, MNM wouldn’t have been nearly as effective or as fun as they were.

Three times the champions, MNM proved to be athletic daredevils, able to keep up with and even defeat some of the biggest names of the modern day and were often the highlight of the night (all deference to Chris Jericho) when they terrorized SmackDown! with their Hollywood A-List antics. It’s a shame about Joey Mercury’s fate in WWE, because he’s a genuine talent who deserves to be under the WWE umbrella, although his loss was certainly The Miz’ gain.

As for Johnny Nitro/John Morrison and Melina, we’ve talked those topics to death over the past couple weeks.

MONEY, INC.: Ted DiBiase & Irwin R. Schyster – Here’s a team I didn’t take too terribly seriously concurrently, but have grown to appreciate posthumously. There’s really not a whole lot to say here, either, just that here were a couple of extremely talented performers who were filling a void in the roster at the time. If my memory serves, too, DiBiase was experiencing back issues at the time and this was a way for him to continue to perform without having to shoulder the full burden of a singles career. It makes me unhappy that my enduring memory of this team is of them being jobbed in every manner possible at WrestleMania 9 to Hulk Hogan & Brutus Beefcake.

THE MOTOR CITY MACHINE GUNS: Chris Sabin & Alex Shelley – These two, like fellow TNA roster mates, have come together and gelled into one of the most impressive teams in recent history. It amazes me that two highly competitive heels manage to have each other’s backs, even when wrestling against one another in a match where The X-Division Title is on the line. That, combined with their amazingly innovative moves manage to keep them just on the side of fans not really being able to commit to hating them. They really aren’t evil, just full of themselves, but that, as is the case with everything wrong TNA, is symptomatic of poor booking, not the fault of the men themselves.

I hate to sound like a broken record here, but here again is another sad example of a fantastic team going nowhere fast and deserving more.

COMMENTPALOOZA!
Geoff, caught RAW live last night and it was a GREAT show. As much bitching goes on about RAW today, it’s so much different being there live. The funniest part was seeing Bush get booed twice during the “support the troops” video. I took my dad and he doesn’t have cable so he never knew that Santino and Santina were the same person. When I told him, his jaw hit the floor. Even though he didn’t know what was going on, he said that he really enjoyed himself and had a lot of fun. I think we lose that sense too much. Also, I hope you don’t continue to lose your inspiration, because this is, in my opinion, the best column on the site.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

I’m stoked you such fun, Schmoove, and especially that your dad had a great time, too. It’s always fun to take someone who doesn’t really follow the product or who hasn’t been to a live event to the rasslin matches and watch their reaction.

My friends Cameron and Kristen came over again while Raw was on last Monday. Kristen was coloring and cutting my hair, so I didn’t get to really sit and watch it terribly intently, although did record it so I can have a look at it a little more intently this weekend, but it didn’t seem like a really great show, the worst since The Draft, but like I said, my attention was certainly divided. We all got a real kick out of the Santina Marella/Vickie Guerrero “match”, though. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, this gimmick should not be working, but it is! And Vickie’s reaction was so awesome when she won the match and was being adorned with the tiara and sash. She gets a lot of shit, and we know I’ve had a lot of fun at her expense, but it’s never been in a mean-spirited fashion, but for just having married into the business, she’s evolved into one of my favorite characters in the entire company. I live for when she busts out her EXCUSE ME! Catch phrase.

I truly appreciate the lofty complement, Schmoove…!!! I think WrestleMania and The Draft coming so closely on its heels just kinda burned me out some and there’s not a lot going on that’s really inspiring me to write at the moment while the brands are establishing their directions. I’m sure it’ll pass and your vote of confidence means a lot!

Hey you should have mentioned on them continuing on with the Dirt Sheet in such a unique manner with them making jabs at other wrestlers and also each other. Seems like they have to continue because of the sponsors. Ha ha.
Posted By: who cares

You make a hell of a good point, one I considered while composing the last two weeks’ worth of articles, but I’m a stodgy old fart and don’t go to the WWE web site for exclusive content, therefore I’d be treading in unfamiliar waters there and didn’t want to risk perjuring myself by waffling on about stuff I’d not seen firsthand, even though The Dirt Sheet was a major tool in helping to establish the duo.

I find it odd, though, that they continue to host the segment together after the manner in which their tandem ended on Draft Monday. Perhaps I should give it some attention…?

Miz is cracking me up lately… his stuff with Cena reminds me of Jericho vs. Goldberg in WCW.
Posted By: Todd Vote

Miz was entertaining on RR/RW Challenge and he’s entertaining in the WWE. The fellow has a natural annoying prickness to him. If he’s properly booked, then he could be a solid mid-carder with the occasional foray into the upper card.
Posted By: Iron Knee

I feel ya, Toddo. When The Miz said, “You’re exactly right, Cena, I can’t see you because your movies aren’t theaters long enough!”, I busted out belly-laughing. And great call on likening this new chapter in The Miz’ career to that of smart-ass Jericho. I tie your comment in with that of Iron Knee‘s because it goes directly back to what I’ve been saying these last two weeks with respect to booking.

The original Jericho/Goldberg angle happened under Eric Bischoff’s radar because he was too busy getting hand-jobs at strip clubs with the nWo to care about what a “nobody” like Jericho was doing at the time, so Jericho pretty much had carte-blanche to book himself as he pleased. It wasn’t until the Goldberg thing caught on and deserved a pay-off that Bischoff was forced to acknowledge it. Jericho was willing to involve himself to a logical end, by becoming “NEXT”, but Goldberg put the kabosch on it because he “had Sunday off” and didn’t even want to work a five minute segment that would ultimately put him over! Fucking
prima-donna bitch.

Iron Knee makes the astute comment that as long as The Miz is booked well, he stands to benefit greatly, which has been my concern all along, and it’s little big things like not having booked Miz to steal that cheapest-of-the-cheap pins on a fallen Cena that could really factor in big time in the grand scheme.

When it comes to the Miz and John Morrison there’s a lot to be said but I’ll hit the points.

The Miz improved quite a bit since his arrival and he seems to have a good work ethic to allow himself to keep improving. Like Morrison he truly enjoys working for the wwe and in front of the cameras. Charismatic and awesome mic skills add to him. He can totally be a top heel just needs the appropriate booking.
Posted By: Bobbay

I laughed my ass off when I saw the spelling of your name, Bobbay, because all I could hear in my head was coked-out Whitney Houston bellowing, “BOBBAAAYYYY!” at her husband.

And, fucking-A, bro, you absolutely nailed it on both counts. I’ve nothing to add but well done!

no, the miz is actually the star there. even though he isnt a great wrestler he has a great personality and is tremendous on the mic. morrison doesnt have it. he isnt a great wrestler, is too small, and for lack of better words, his voice is bad.

Keep the ball rolling with the Miz…we may have something here.
Posted By: Joe Mastronardo

We’re going to have to respectfully agree to disagree in Morrison’s case. Vince doesn’t like to admit it (via his booking decisions), but we are currently in the smaller-man revolution, the only reason we continue to see bigger guys is because Vince likes it that way and he continues to force the issue with the Khalis, the Snitskys and the Knoxes, who, by the by, no one pays to see, they just come along with the show. We pay to see the HBKs, the Jerichos and, soon enough, the Morrisons.

Like I said last week, McMahonagement is making some really smart decisions in his case, such as making The Moonlight Drive his secondary finisher behind the much more impressive and face-worthy Starship Pain and even little things like kicking off the show last week with him tagging up with uber-over Punk and then allowing Morrison score the clean pinfall. Again, little things mean a LOT, both good and bad and it seems to me McMahonagement is solidly behind pushing Morrison (although, as we’ve discussed, considering the shortage of name faces on Fridays, this is an experiment that really needs to succeed). BTW, has anyone else noticed that Morrison has been added to the opening “History of WWE” montage that opens each show?

Geoff, The good news here is that the wwe are finally trying to push their mid card for what seems like the first time in many years, i mean with swagger, Miz, Morrison, MVP, and Benjamin basically kicking down the door for an upper-mid card opportunity it’s only a matter of time before one of them smashes the glass ceiling and becomes a main eventer then world champion hopefully by WM26 like Jeff Hardy in 2007, now the hard bit is guessing who’ll do it. My odds are on Swagga to do it making another ECW talent come big like CM Punk did or hopefully Morrison or MVP too.
Posted By: Starship Pain – Mohamed Inc

You’re absolutely right about the midcard, but, again, they really have little choice. Looking across the three brand’s rosters, Shawn Michaels, The Undertaker and Tommy Dreamer all seem to be a hell of a lot closer to retirement than their next world title (please spare me the Dreamer bashing). Rey Mysterio’s knees have been so bad for so long he really has little business climbing stairs, much less performing his style of wrestling in the ring. Batista is a muscle tear away from retirement and I don’t think many realize that he’s 40 years old. I don’t mean to Chicken Little in Big Show’s regard, but he, too, is closing in on 40 and unusually large men, as in his case, tend not to be able to be terribly active the older they get. And has anyone else noticed that his leaner 400 pound return weight has steadily climbed back up near his former weight of 500? That just can’t be good for his knees or his heart. Triple H turns 40 in July and is out of quadriceps to tear. (To say nothing of the seemingly ever-sketchy status of Jeff Hardy.)

All this to say, the old reliable guard is getting older and it’s folly to expect them to be able to perform at the same level at which they were able even five years ago and there’s no other franchises or federations from which to acquire talent who can step in and perform at WWE main event level anymore. WWE simply has no choice but to take serious stock of its midcard and start cultivating their eventual migration up the card. It seems to me Vince has a really solid collection of capable youngsters under his umbrella, so, as long as they’re managed and booked well, the future looks good.

Geoff, I’m right there with your “showing my age” when it comes to tried and true booking practices. Why aren’t Priceless booked like Arn/Tully instead of Ryder/Hawkins (maybe a little too harsh). Legacy has the legs to be the 4 Horsemen of our times. Holding all the belts. The elite group based on their pedigrees.

I guess I’m just another grumpy old fan too.
Posted By: Angry Bear

I tell ya, Bear, it was incredibly sobering to realize at one point that Shane McMahon is exactly 3.5 months older than I am, and to see how he’s aged between the days of being The Boy Wonder back in The Attitude Era and now as Randy Orton has targeted The McMahon Family. Or to go on from there to realize that, when I notice some of the performers aging, to have it dawn on me that we could have theoretically gone to high school together. And then to realize that, for the first time in all the decades I’ve been watching wrestling, that this is the first time since watching Sean Waltman as a kid that WWE has become populated by performers who are younger than I am. That freaked me out.

However, to look at the positive side of that, it means I’ve seen a hell of a lot in those decades and I like to attempt to take a thoughtful approach to what I’ve seen and learned, which is the basis of this column (I hope!). I actually yelled, “THANK YOU!” at my screen, waving my hands in the air, when I read your comment with respect to PRICELESS being booked like Ryder/Hawkins instead of Arn/Tully. Man, did you nail that. I didn’t grow up on The NWA, but I have seen a nice chunk of WCCW, The AWA and The UWF, so I have a sense of old school non-Vince ‘80s wrestling booking in my noggin and it just frustrates me to no end when I see WWE booked in a manner that undermines itself. I shouldn’t be the one noticing this stuff! I guess the only consolation is that misery loves company. We can be crotchety old farts together.

I just hope they don’t turn Miz into Honky Tonk Man 2.0 where he is so annoying that fans explode if Cena squashes him ala Ultimate Warrior.

I gotta say I’ve been impressed by what I’m seeing from Morrison lately. The face turn has done wonders for him like it has for MVP. Let’s hope he keeps improving and doesn’t fall into the rut Shelton Benjamin fell into after showing us so much promise at the beginning of his career.
Posted By: JLAJRC

I have the same concerns in The Miz’ regard, JLAJRC. Although, for your analogy to truly be correct in all respects, The Miz’ would have to be allowed a lengthy ICT run before said squash, so he’d have at least that much going for him, but The Miz is already a HELL of a much better wrestler than Honky ever aspired to be, so we’re up on the game in that respect.

You are correct, sir, that Morrison is clicking on all cylinders right now as a result of the face turn (I do think his overall move set would benefit greatly from the addition of a submission hold with which to round out his game, but that can come in time) and it is for this reason I worry less about him than his former partner. Because Miz’ greatest asset is his mouth, his success is going to hinge heavily upon the quality of booking his character receives, which, again, brings me back to the last two weeks’ worth of columns. There really is little to do but wait, see and pray for the best outcome in his case.

Geoff, What are your feelings on Ricky Ortiz? I was not a fan of him when he was on ECW but I think he has a great future as an inspirational speaker heel character. His promo on Smackdown last week gave me the urge to punch him in the face.
Posted By: Downtown Dino

Downtown Dino, I see what you’re saying about Ortiz. He could be the kind of character that isn’t aware that the fans don’t like him.
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth

I can’t stand Ricky Ortiz, whether that’s been the intention or not. I’ve mentioned this in the past, where I was shocked, literally shocked, while watching ECW and he came to the ring for a match. The kid has charisma and all, and his entrance earned a great pop, but once the bell rang, the arena fell so silent fans in the upper deck could hear Vince yelling at Matt Striker through his headset. It remains to be seen if he’ll manage to pick it up in the ring, but I think he will likely end up finding himself along the lines of a Jimmy Wang Yang or a Funaki, the guy with a gimmick who knows enough in the ring to make someone higher up the card look good, but won’t really accomplish much on his own.

As for the gimmick itself, it just reminds me of Dallas Page’s lame WWE gimmick of which Christian was lucky to have gotten out from underneath.

That’s all for this week! Thanks for reading; RESPECK!